I am a black rose from a garden filled with red ones.
Always looking to the red ones for strength and love
But I’m always cast aside.
I put on my happy mask everyday,
The sad one is too revealing.
I don’t want the world to see how burnt i am
Instead, I hide my tears behind the mask,
Waiting for someone to finally remove the mask.
I’m not perfect
I make mistakes and that’s what makes me human
The only time I feel almost perfect is when I write
That’s the only time my heart takes control
That’s the only time I truly feel alive
That’s the only time I don’t feel like I’m drowning in a box
That’s the only time I feel like me.
I don’t know about you
But that’s the only time I let my emotions out .
Those scars those scars
Shine like the stars
Only if you could see through them
You would know the story behind
Deep deep within those bitter sweet memories
Lies a dark secret and a good fortune
Which is inevitable.
She was depicted as glamorous
With holes and stiches,
Yet none could see
How she was acting, so guile.
Down to earth, a description of her
But a rotter she thought of herself.
Only if the world could see
How broken she is.
I am grateful for all i have, yet I’m unhappy.
My body dances to the rhythm everyday
My brain acquires all the information it can
My stomach is always satisfied
I go to school and I have a roof under my head
And yet, I’m unhappy.
My question is why?
Why does my body tell me I’m not loved?
Why do I feel like an avalanche is on top of me?
Why do I feel like my weight is killing me suddenly?
Maybe it’s because I’ve given my body all that it desires and forgotten about my soul.
A wise man once told me the soul doesn’t belong in this world, it belongs in the hereafter,
With the Creator
In order to make it happy,
You need to please the Creator for the Soul to be at ease.
Maybe this is the cause of my unhappiness.
I’ve been too engrossed in making my body happy and have forgotten about the soul.
I am in shambles.
Where were you when I was not myself?
Where were you when my body was putting negative thoughts in my head?
I just needed you at that time
I looked up to you, but you let me down.
You left me.
I danced to the rhythm alone
I was spinning so fast
I thought I wouldn’t make it, but I did.
I spoke to God.
I depended on you
I got so attached
I thought it was you and I against the world but I thought wrong.
I Gave you my all
But you threw it away.
It’s too late now
The music is dead
Just silent voices left.
Too bad you can’t hear them
The music has made you deaf.
Being a loner isn’t bad
You made it fun for me and now I keep having wild thoughts.
I used to think we were the same, but not anymore.
We live in two different places now.
I don’t like what you like
I don’t eat what you eat
You breath but I don’t because I’m not really alive.
This is just a game.
I guess I’ve never thought about death until you came along. You put the fear of dying in my heart and at that moment, I became scared.
Maybe God wanted to tell me something
So I can increase my faith .
But I took it the wrong way
I became insecure
Not the confident little girl
Not mummy’s little baby
But a grown woman
And in a way, I’m thankful it happened
And I’m not at the same time.
I isolate myself because of you
I’m scared of people getting too close to me because my days are counted.
I wish I could see the tall man that pushed me away that night, not to thank him
But to ask him why,
Why he didn’t allow me to leave this world in peace.
Now I live with guilt everyday.
Is he still alive?
Does he go around saving people?
Maybe it was an angel God sent to me that night
To protect me from the man in the black car that was sent to end my life.
My heart literally stopped when he laughed and shouted
The one that got away. I’ve met a million other people
After you I had another
And also one after the other
I thought it was going to feel the same
I was wrong
And that was when I knew that for me,
Love was you.
It felt extremely different from the others
I had not realized this until another came
But still couldn’t make me feel the same
You made me feel like I was worth a million bucks,
and even more.
You made me believe that love,
was more than just a word
was more than just feelings
You gave love a meaning for me.
You made me feel PRICELESS.
I found out a part of me I didn’t know about
It was the first time I placed someone else before myself
I let go of my pride for you without any hesitation
I became the person I didn’t know I was
I became weak when it came to anything about you
With you I got confused who I loved more
Whether it was you or myself
I’m yet to figure out.
I began to lose myself
Because it was always about you
Nothing else but you
Even you before myself
I got scolded at for being so into you
Everyone told me that this love story would end someday
I told them they were wrong
I argued you were different
and definitely not like the others
Because I had nothing but hope in you
All my trust was in you
I never for once imagined you leaving
Or even if I did it was a dream
But unfortunately you proved everyone right
And proved me wrong
You ended up leaving
It was the first time I had sleepless nights
Thinking where I had gone wrong
I blamed myself even if I didn’t leave
You left but I still justified why you left
I became a fool for you
I always am when it comes to you
You made me believe the saying that
Love is the closest to death
I had to learn the hard way
And that’s why I’ll always call you
The one that got away.
Maybe you were meant to come into my life but you weren’t meant to stay.
I still wish you were meant to stay
But it will be fine I know
I still have puzzles in my head
Trying to figure out
You made me feel like helping people is a crime You asked for my help and later doubted me
You hurt my feelings
And still told me it is part of life.
Sometimes I question myself
Why do you help people
Why can’t everything be okay?
And then you approached me.
I accepted you with two hands and yet you still doubt me.
You question my religion and beliefs
You asked me why I don’t drink, I told you my religion forbids it.
You harass me because I cover my hair
Why did you come into my life if you weren’t going to accept me for who I am
A proud Muslim with a bright future for her people.
An atheist like you
I tried to make you believe in God and you called me a peanut.
I told you the stories of all the prophets ,you called them dictators.
I accepted you because I had hope for you but you keep proving me wrong each day.
You called me a slave because I’m black and a Muslim.
You live in a Muslim community and yet you still don’t want to believe God is real.
I showed you the Bible and Quran and you called them novels.
And after everything, you tell me not to take it personal
For all the nights I stayed up wondering why you were becoming distant
For all the times I cried myself to sleep because you made me feel I wasn’t good enough
For all the hurtful words you said to me that stabbed me painfully which wouldn’t allow my heart to stop aching
For all the times you made it hard for another person to love me because I was so scared of letting down my walls. I felt like everyone was like you
For all the times I cried on my best friend’s shoulder as she curses your name underneath her breath
For all the times you talked about how much prettier than me the other girl is
For all the times you didn’t give me the love and attention I deserved and how you made the words” I’ll never leave you” leave bitter taste in my mouth
For all the times I pushed people away because of how torn apart I was
For all the times you pushed me away when all I tried to do was be the best I can. I know I’m not perfect but I tried to give all I could
For all the times you made me feel lonely. Even though you didn’t leave then. Your presence didn’t make a difference
For all the times you rejected my calls because I wanted to check up on you
For all the times you made me apologize just to make sure things worked out between us
For all the fights you always started up
For the time you said to me ” I’m so sorry I have feelings for another girl ”
For the time you said ” I’m so sorry I’ll make things right between us” and part of me still believed you because I didn’t want it all to end
For the time you came back begging yet you hurt me the second and third time
For the time you tried to stop someone else from loving me because you were so selfish
For the time you said I was your “side piece”
For the times I smelt your cologne and immediately walked away because it reminded me of you
I tried really hard.I promised, But one day I woke up and realized I couldn’t handle it anymore.
You weren’t worth the fight.
A message for my ex
-“I’m glad we broke up”