We’re silently communicating
In a room filled with friends
We’re silently communicating
In a room filled with friends
Fear of living
Fear of loving
To the world, I’m resilient
But I’m losing myself .
How can I heal,
When I’m running from it?
How can I be free,
When it has me in chains?
How can I embrace it?
Vulnerability.
To feel without feelings
To lock up before hearing the word broken
To move effortlessly without hearing whispers of insecurity
Is a world I could only dream of.
If a glimpse of this dream is the closest to reality,
Then I’ll take it.
Not in full, but like shards of a broken glass,
I’ll take the pieces slowly.
Besides
I don’t need a full cup of wine,
Just a sip will suffice
To let me know if this dream
Will make me feel whole again.
Surrounded by loved ones
Yet it doesn’t stop me from feeling alone
So
I’m walking around in a guileful suit
Hoping to find peace in all the wrong places
Because the right ones just don’t exist
I don’t feel it,
The pain from the cuts on my body
I don’t feel it,
The hurt from the curses being thrown at me
No tears
No joy
Just numbness
If this is a healing process,
I don’t want to heal
I want to feel something,
Even if it’ll hurt me
I’ll take it.
I just want to feel
Hurt has become my favorite food,
The taste of happiness is foreign to my tongue.
I use words
To paint pictures
So,
When I’m writing
I write with rage,
With passion
And that’s beautiful
I can’t seem to let go of you even when I know you’re bad for me
Maybe
I need a little bit of hurt
To remind me of when I put a leash on the wild in me
Because with you,
I hide my pain
With you,
I forget
And I don’t want to forget
Because it’s a part of me now.
So,
Do me a favor
Let me go.
I know it’s going to hurt you
But
I care about me
More than I do you.
Everyday,
My head points a gun to my heart
But doesn’t pull the trigger.
So much chaos in one body
I want to save myself
But
I refuse to be the girl who needs saving