DEAR VULNERABILITY

Fear of living

Fear of loving

To the world, I’m resilient

But I’m losing myself .

How can I heal,

When I’m running from it?

How can I be free,

When it has me in chains?

How can I embrace it?

Vulnerability.

Wild Dream

To feel without feelings

To lock up before hearing the word broken

To move effortlessly without hearing whispers of insecurity

Is a world I could only dream of.

If a glimpse of this dream is the closest to reality,

Then I’ll take it.

Not in full, but like shards of a broken glass,

I’ll take the pieces slowly.

Besides

I don’t need a full cup of wine,

Just a sip will suffice

To let me know if this dream

Will make me feel whole again.

Grim reality

Surrounded by loved ones

Yet it doesn’t stop me from feeling alone

So

I’m walking around in a guileful suit

Hoping to find peace in all the wrong places

Because the right ones just don’t exist

Numb

I don’t feel it,

The pain from the cuts on my body

I don’t feel it,

The hurt from the curses being thrown at me

No tears

No joy

Just numbness

If this is a healing process,

I don’t want to heal

I want to feel something,

Even if it’ll hurt me

I’ll take it.

I just want to feel

Foreigner

Hurt has become my favorite food,

The taste of happiness is foreign to my tongue.

Perfection

I use words

To paint pictures

So,

When I’m writing

I write with rage,

With passion

And that’s beautiful

Sacrifice

I can’t seem to let go of you even when I know you’re bad for me

Maybe

I need a little bit of hurt

To remind me of when I put a leash on the wild in me

Because with you,

I hide my pain

With you,

I forget

And I don’t want to forget

Because it’s a part of me now.

So,

Do me a favor

Let me go.

I know it’s going to hurt you

But

I care about me

More than I do you.

Defeat

Everyday,

My head points a gun to my heart

But doesn’t pull the trigger.

So much chaos in one body

DENIAL

I want to save myself

But

I refuse to be the girl who needs saving

Silently Crying

4am,

In a playground

With my thoughts

Running like the wind

Not even caring

To stop for a breath

I’m running out of air

Please,

Save me.