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DEAR VULNERABILITY

Fear of living

Fear of loving

To the world, I’m resilient

But I’m losing myself .

How can I heal,

When I’m running from it?

How can I be free,

When it has me in chains?

How can I embrace it?

Vulnerability.

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Wild Dream

To feel without feelings

To lock up before hearing the word broken

To move effortlessly without hearing whispers of insecurity

Is a world I could only dream of.

If a glimpse of this dream is the closest to reality,

Then I’ll take it.

Not in full, but like shards of a broken glass,

I’ll take the pieces slowly.

Besides

I don’t need a full cup of wine,

Just a sip will suffice

To let me know if this dream

Will make me feel whole again.

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Grim reality

Surrounded by loved ones

Yet it doesn’t stop me from feeling alone

So

I’m walking around in a guileful suit

Hoping to find peace in all the wrong places

Because the right ones just don’t exist

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Numb

I don’t feel it,

The pain from the cuts on my body

I don’t feel it,

The hurt from the curses being thrown at me

No tears

No joy

Just numbness

If this is a healing process,

I don’t want to heal

I want to feel something,

Even if it’ll hurt me

I’ll take it.

I just want to feel

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Foreigner

Hurt has become my favorite food,

The taste of happiness is foreign to my tongue.

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Perfection

I use words

To paint pictures

So,

When I’m writing

I write with rage,

With passion

And that’s beautiful

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Sacrifice

I can’t seem to let go of you even when I know you’re bad for me

Maybe

I need a little bit of hurt

To remind me of when I put a leash on the wild in me

Because with you,

I hide my pain

With you,

I forget

And I don’t want to forget

Because it’s a part of me now.

So,

Do me a favor

Let me go.

I know it’s going to hurt you

But

I care about me

More than I do you.

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Defeat

Everyday,

My head points a gun to my heart

But doesn’t pull the trigger.

So much chaos in one body

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DENIAL

I want to save myself

But

I refuse to be the girl who needs saving

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Silently Crying

4am,

In a playground

With my thoughts

Running like the wind

Not even caring

To stop for a breath

I’m running out of air

Please,

Save me.