An open wound

I guess I’ve never thought about death until you came along. You put the fear of dying in my heart and at that moment, I became scared. 
Maybe God wanted to tell me something 

So I can increase my faith .

But I took it the wrong way 

I became insecure 

Not the confident little girl

Not mummy’s little baby 

But a grown woman

And in a way, I’m thankful it happened 

And I’m not at the same time. 
I isolate myself because of you 

I’m scared of people getting too close to me because my days are counted. 
I wish I could see the tall man that pushed me away that night, not to thank him 

But to ask him why,

Why he didn’t allow me to leave this world in peace. 

Now I live with guilt everyday. 
Is he still alive? 

Does he go around saving people? 

Maybe it was an angel God sent to me that night 

To protect me from the man in the black car that was sent to end my life. 
My heart literally stopped when he laughed and shouted 

   “I’m drunk”​

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The one that got away

The one that got away. I’ve met a million other people 

After you I had another

And also one after the other 

I thought it was going to feel the same

I was wrong

And that was when I knew that for me,

Love was you. 

 

With you,

It felt extremely different from the others

I had not realized this until another came

But still couldn’t make me feel the same 

You made me feel like I was worth a million bucks,

and even more. 

You made me believe that love,

was more than just a word

was more than just feelings 

You gave love a meaning for me. 

You made me feel PRICELESS. 
With you

I found out a part of me I didn’t know about

It was the first time I placed someone else before myself 

I let go of my pride for you without any hesitation 

I became the person I didn’t know I was

I became weak when it came to anything about you

With you I got confused who I loved more

Whether it was you or myself

I’m yet to figure out. 
With you

I began to lose myself

Because it was always about you 

Nothing else but you 

Even you before myself 

I got scolded at for being so into you 

Everyone told me that this love story would end someday 

I told them they were wrong

I argued you were different 

and definitely not like the others 

Because I had nothing but hope in you

All my trust was in you 

I never for once imagined you leaving

Or even if I did it was a dream

But unfortunately you proved everyone right 

And proved me wrong

You ended up leaving
With you

It was the first time I had sleepless nights

Thinking where I had gone wrong 

I blamed myself even if I didn’t leave 

You left but I still justified why you left

I became a fool for you

I always am when it comes to you 

You made me believe the saying that 

Love is the closest to death 

I had to learn the hard way 

And that’s why I’ll always call you

The one that got away. 
Maybe you were meant to come into my life but you weren’t meant to stay. 

I still wish you were meant to stay

But it will be fine I know

I still have puzzles in my head

Trying to figure out 

Why exactly you got away.​

Is help a crime?

You made me feel like helping people is a crime You asked for my help and later doubted me 

You hurt my feelings 

And still told me it is part of life. 
Sometimes I question myself 

Why do you help people 

Why can’t everything be okay? 

And then you approached me. 

I accepted you with two hands and yet you still doubt me. 
You question my religion and beliefs 

You asked me why I don’t drink, I told you my religion forbids it. 

You harass me because I cover my hair 

Why did you come into my life if you weren’t going to accept me for who I am 

A proud Muslim with a bright future for her people. 
An atheist like you 

I tried to make you believe in God and you called me a peanut. 

I told you the stories of all the prophets ,you called them dictators. 

I accepted you because I had hope for you but you keep proving me wrong each day. 
You called me a slave because I’m black and a Muslim. 

You live in a Muslim community and yet you still don’t want to believe God is real. 
I showed you the Bible and Quran and you called them novels. 

And after everything, you tell me not to take it personal 

“Rudeness is your blunt nature “​

A message for my ex

For all the nights I stayed up wondering why you were becoming distant

For all the times I cried myself to sleep because you made me feel I wasn’t good enough

For all the hurtful words you said to me that stabbed me painfully which wouldn’t allow my heart to stop aching

For all the times you made it hard for another person to love me because I was so scared of letting down my walls. I felt like everyone was like you

For all the times I cried on my best friend’s shoulder as she curses your name underneath her breath

For all the times you talked about how much prettier than me the other girl is

For all the times you didn’t give me the love and attention I deserved and how you made the words” I’ll never leave you” leave bitter taste in my mouth

For all the times I pushed people away because of how torn apart I was

For all the times you pushed me away when all I tried to do was be the best I can. I know I’m not perfect but I tried to give all I could

For all the times you made me feel lonely. Even though you didn’t leave then. Your presence didn’t make a difference

For all the times you rejected my calls because I wanted to check up on you

For all the times you made me apologize just to make sure things worked out between us

For all the fights you always started up

For the time you said to me ” I’m so sorry I have feelings for another girl ”

For the time you said ” I’m so sorry I’ll make things right between us” and part of me still believed you because I didn’t want it all to end

For the time you came back begging yet you hurt me the second and third time

For the time you tried to stop someone else from loving me because you were so selfish

For the time you said I was your “side piece”

For the times I smelt your cologne and immediately walked away because it reminded me of you

I tried really hard.I promised, But one day I woke up and realized I couldn’t handle it anymore.

You weren’t worth the fight.

A message for my ex

-“I’m glad we broke up”