Solitude or Loneliness?

No one told me owning a garden would be exhausting

Enduring days I feel like sinking my roots to the ground alone

No one told me I’d have to take out the dead flowers eventually

Or be vulnerable enough to hire a gardener to tend to their illnesses

On days the sun isn’t enough for them to bloom

No one told me my Gardner would harm my children

on days I’m too weak to show up

No one told me i would be putting my children at risk by being vulnerable enough to ask for help.

No one told me

How hurt I’d be when picking up what’s left of my children.

Look at me now,

Breaking

Because no one told me.

HOME

I’m sorry

This seems to be a pattern for me

To leave when I’m happy

And come home when I’m sad

Yes, home

This is the only place I feel whole

But the infatuation misguides me sometimes

And I forget

I won’t leave this time

I’m sorry

A New Beginning

Of all the poets in the world,

I may not be the best.

Of all the voices in the world,

Mine may be the smallest

And if I believe, I will touch the stars.

So,

You’d better listen well

Because my words will change the world.

I may not be perfect,

But to you is where I always go

Submission

Digging a home

In a place I don’t belong.

Pleasant smog ,

Blemished fare,

Unchaperoned thoughts,

Oh the solitude.

This place has dragged me down to my knees,

Digging a home

In a place I don’t belong.

UNTOLD STORY

I remember

I remember how it took a misstep to fall into a whole that was never there

Sand covered face

Mumbled screams

Darkness

Tears being swallowed up by my deceitful mind,

I remember

Putting my head down

And accepting defeat

For reasons still unknown to me,

I remember

How I had to bargain my freedom by folding my stories in a box and throwing it into the river

Just so I don’t end up there again

I remember

My tired eyes about to close on their own

And that was when I knew I had to fight

Fight for the body that didn’t want to be recognized

Fight for the sore mouth

Fight for the aching heart

And a better life,

I remember.

COMPASSION

We’re silently communicating

In a room filled with friends

DEAR VULNERABILITY

Fear of living

Fear of loving

To the world, I’m resilient

But I’m losing myself .

How can I heal,

When I’m running from it?

How can I be free,

When it has me in chains?

How can I embrace it?

Vulnerability.

Wild Dream

To feel without feelings

To lock up before hearing the word broken

To move effortlessly without hearing whispers of insecurity

Is a world I could only dream of.

If a glimpse of this dream is the closest to reality,

Then I’ll take it.

Not in full, but like shards of a broken glass,

I’ll take the pieces slowly.

Besides

I don’t need a full cup of wine,

Just a sip will suffice

To let me know if this dream

Will make me feel whole again.

Grim reality

Surrounded by loved ones

Yet it doesn’t stop me from feeling alone

So

I’m walking around in a guileful suit

Hoping to find peace in all the wrong places

Because the right ones just don’t exist

Numb

I don’t feel it,

The pain from the cuts on my body

I don’t feel it,

The hurt from the curses being thrown at me

No tears

No joy

Just numbness

If this is a healing process,

I don’t want to heal

I want to feel something,

Even if it’ll hurt me

I’ll take it.

I just want to feel